Upholding Responsibility and Self-Worth
Previously in the article "The Entrepreneurial Ego Pitfalls" we touched upon the idea of personal problems being reflected in business problems. For some the issue isn't ego, it's a lack of self-worth that doesn't allow business owners to expand, charge more, or perform their best. We need to step up to the plate as we enter a new season of life and be able to adapt. In episode 43 of MentorZ, Trey Cockrum opens up about the original challenge of taking responsibility for his life, and the freedom and success he found through owning up.
In the previous article, Trey talks about how enjoying and focusing on the perks of success more than your work itself can prevent you from growing. But Trey is in no way telling his audience not to buy nice things; he himself has a great apartment, car, and watch collection. But instead of buying these things to feed his ego and flash at others, he mentions the internal benefits and the boost it gives to his self-worth.
Trey mentioned that "... lastly, also it's an abundance thing. You know to wear a watch that's worth this much, or to be in an apartment like this. It shifts your image. You feel more worthy of what you are trying to do, and like literally my price had tripled the second I really internalized what this apartment meant for me. I was like - frick like, I am a different person. I am not ‘Trey Cockrum living in his parent's basement’. I am ‘Trey Cockrum running a 7 figure operation’, and it just shifts how you think. And I think if you can see it as an investment like that it's truly a powerful thing to do."
At the end of the day, it comes down to the strategy of building your own life. Not only do these investments build a brand, but it can also create a powerful internal shift of worthiness for yourself. As Trey also mentions, it can shift how other people see your worthiness as a young business owner.
See The Value
Trey also spoke about demotivation saying, "When you're demotivated it's probably because you don't see the value in what you're doing. And what's interesting is that it's literally a choice whether you do or don't see the value in what you're doing. So, Mike Rowe has a really cool quote, he's like - Don't try to find the passion, just take the passion with you and implement it in whatever you are doing."
There are times where Trey really enjoys what he's doing but there are also times where he feels overwhelmed and over-pressured and he doesn't want to work that day. We can all relate to feeling overwhelmed or "under the weather" metaphorically when it comes to our work but it’s not about how unmotivated we may become, rather how we get over that hurdle. Trey claims that he goes back to why he is grateful.
"So whenever I'm "demotivated" - which you know I don't really think we should rely on motivation in the first place, really you should rely on habits to discipline worldview - but whenever you're not really "in the zone" it's probably because you're not grateful for what you have, and I know for that to be true for everyone. Gratefulness breeds creativity... and breeds a feeling of intent, it gives you intent in your daily lives so that you're no longer operating blind."
Something else Trey brings up the is book Psycho-Cybernetics and the idea of self-image. Self-image can be visualized like little blocks being built up into a giant skyscraper. Every brick you lay shows how you view yourself and adds up over time to eventually manifest into who you are and how you act.
" … [the book] talks about the self-image and how it directs people completely ... what you feel worthy of your probably going to optimize for ... I believe the most important element I can fix for somebody is what's going on in your head because again there is no such thing as business problems just personal problems that show up in your business. So I need to give them like an hour of technical and 10 hours of mindset and that's how we operate and that's why we have the best performing students in the entire industry. "
When asked how he became so self-aware Trey responded that "I just began to notice problems I began to notice that I was self-sabotaging. I saw people that were around me, it was kind of a jealousy thing, I saw them succeeding at things I was working just as hard on and I was wondering - What's the difference? Why is it that I can put in 8 to 10 hour days, work my face off and I still see nothing whereas people over here are putting in two or three hour days and they are just attracting success, like what's the difference? - And it came down to what they felt they deserved, which I didn't know at the time... and I just realized that I had a poor self-image. I had this idea that I was not capable. And what's interesting is that those people that you meet who don't feel capable, they don't look humble, they actually have the biggest egos in the game because they feel the need to overcompensate. I was overcompensating in all kinds of ways: I was loud, I was boastful, you know, if somebody were to ask me how much money I made literally I would lie about it. There were all kinds of things going on that I had to deal with at the time. When I got on the other side of that and just began to accept that I was where I was and it was my job to grow where I was and took total responsibility for my state...that's when I began to grow. [...] The best thing you can do is to take responsibility. "
Taking that responsibility is the best thing, and it's the most difficult thing. I'd estimate around 80% of us never look deep into our habits or our flaws and think about how we could change them. Reflection, contemplation, and looking in the mirror honestly is something that challenges all of us. If you remember the metaphorical building we made of self-image and ego, being honest with yourself and making changes is like taking out every brick one at a time. It's a painful labor that might even collapse the whole building of our past self-image, but it also leaves a blank canvas in its place...a place to build what you want your life to be.
I wrote down 4 questions for myself and I thought you'd be able to benefit from them too. I'll be going through this exercise with you. If you want to talk more please feel free to email me - firstname.lastname@example.org
Where is my ego?
What do I need to take responsibility for?
What do I think I deserve?
What are all of my habits?
Trey spoke on reflection and responsibility saying, "You are in charge like who you are, who you become, it's up to you man, all of that responsibility is on your shoulders, every single bit of it. The best thing I did was take responsibility and I would venture to say that that's the best thing most people can do, to just be like - ‘Alright, I am who I am. I got all this crap. I'm an egotistical crappy person and I need to work on that and fix what's going on in my brain because otherwise, it's a short term play’ - There are other sorts of debt than financial. If you are making short term choices like having a huge ego you're gonna have to pay that off in your 50s by having a poor relationship with your family and a poor relationship with your kids. There are other forms of debt you gotta understand, that when you're making these short term plays you're just not benefiting yourself."
This mentality and the time he took to reflect on himself later gave him the revelation to have a journey of constant adjustment and growth externally and internally that will allow him to build the life he wants to build, in every facet of his life.